1:30p Monday afternoon

I am absolutely sick of this pain. Whatever it is, I'm done with it.
Don't know if its just Fibromyalgia or if there are other issues with my stomach, but its ridiculous. I can't ever pick up the room. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated at the pain and my almost 3 yr old that is at times ... satans child. She's sweet as pie, does something wrong ... gets something taken away ... or slapped on wrist for doing wrong like kicking or hitting me in a nonplayful matter ...... she screams bloody murder. Like the exorsist. Sometimes I just have to sit there in shock and awe at the sounds that come out of her.
She was the perfect newborn and infant. Then just over a year ago, when she started playing with her cousins and other kids more .... she's szitzo *can't spell*

I know I am not on my feel all day, that I get to sit around and do what people think is nothing. But with Fibromyalgia this is the hardest job I've ever had. The absolute hardest thing I've ever had to conquer.

ever wonder

Ever wonder how long milk is in the bottle before its expired

day after legs @ gym/ first night on breathing machine

It is 12:54pm and I'm still exhausted.
I wonder if the machine helped Bob last night.
I felt him take it off, right before Madi kicked the baby gate onto herself. I could already tell I was in too much pain to get up.
Pain from working out. Damn leg days. And everyday pain. Oh, I also put her to bed. Which I do often, but not usually from that side of the bed. Being up against the wall, and lifting 30 pounds of dead weight from the head of the bed to the foot and trying to stand at the same time isn't easy at all.
I hope he's more awake than I am when he gets home because the pain is intense. I now understand why betty said her ass hurt last Tuesday. Fridays leg day wasn't that bad. I was sore Saturday but it faded fairly quickly. Maybe because we went to the sauna Saturday. That hot ass sauna helped my back more than I thought it would. No wonder why Stacy would go in it during the winter. I thought she was nuts for that.
I'm not sure why I'm so exhausted, I took a lil nap yesterday before the gym. I was all pumped since Monday morning about the gym until about 2pm. Then I just wanted to stab myself w/ a knife on the other side of my back so I felt equal pain. Plus betty irritated me a lil. Worried that the machine that will help get Robert better, make sure he doesn't die in his sleep .... is an energy sucker. On one hand I guess I can slightly understand. But then again she said that about our tv and fan. She's lucky we don't have that damned fridge plugged in since we have no room for our stuff. She has two shelves in main area, two in door and 3 drawers. We have one shelf and 1 1/2 shelves in door. At least the frezzer storage is only off by inches. But I mean come on. A family of three gets less room when you say you need so much less room and food for you two.

Okay enough bitching. At least we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. Not enough food and not a lot of privacy and Jason is coming for two fucking weeks :( 1:11p. But it will do for now!

i hate not being able to fall asleep

I took a damn flexeril and am still awake. Every damn one else is asleep but NO I'M WIdE AWAKE.
Bob is doing his first night on the breathing apperatise (can't spell-don't care) and its loud but could be worse. And I'm so exhausted I'm too tired to sleep, plus my teeth and gums are hurting and I didn't eat enough dinner. I'll see how I sleep once I get up ... but that seems like so long ago. Probably doesn't help my foot skin problem is flared up and I gave him my sode of the bed for the night.
And I'm scared to go to sleep since it was leg day at the gym ... once my body relaxes ... all hell will break lose and my soreness will kick into full effect.


Okay, off to bed til later. Hopefully I can get 4 hours. ... which means I have to be asleep in 18 minutes. I'M OUT