I am absolutely sick of this pain. Whatever it is, I'm done with it.
Don't know if its just Fibromyalgia or if there are other issues with my stomach, but its ridiculous. I can't ever pick up the room. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated at the pain and my almost 3 yr old that is at times ... satans child. She's sweet as pie, does something wrong ... gets something taken away ... or slapped on wrist for doing wrong like kicking or hitting me in a nonplayful matter ...... she screams bloody murder. Like the exorsist. Sometimes I just have to sit there in shock and awe at the sounds that come out of her.
She was the perfect newborn and infant. Then just over a year ago, when she started playing with her cousins and other kids more .... she's szitzo *can't spell*
I know I am not on my feel all day, that I get to sit around and do what people think is nothing. But with Fibromyalgia this is the hardest job I've ever had. The absolute hardest thing I've ever had to conquer.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
day after legs @ gym/ first night on breathing machine
It is 12:54pm and I'm still exhausted.
I wonder if the machine helped Bob last night.
I felt him take it off, right before Madi kicked the baby gate onto herself. I could already tell I was in too much pain to get up.
Pain from working out. Damn leg days. And everyday pain. Oh, I also put her to bed. Which I do often, but not usually from that side of the bed. Being up against the wall, and lifting 30 pounds of dead weight from the head of the bed to the foot and trying to stand at the same time isn't easy at all.
I hope he's more awake than I am when he gets home because the pain is intense. I now understand why betty said her ass hurt last Tuesday. Fridays leg day wasn't that bad. I was sore Saturday but it faded fairly quickly. Maybe because we went to the sauna Saturday. That hot ass sauna helped my back more than I thought it would. No wonder why Stacy would go in it during the winter. I thought she was nuts for that.
I'm not sure why I'm so exhausted, I took a lil nap yesterday before the gym. I was all pumped since Monday morning about the gym until about 2pm. Then I just wanted to stab myself w/ a knife on the other side of my back so I felt equal pain. Plus betty irritated me a lil. Worried that the machine that will help get Robert better, make sure he doesn't die in his sleep .... is an energy sucker. On one hand I guess I can slightly understand. But then again she said that about our tv and fan. She's lucky we don't have that damned fridge plugged in since we have no room for our stuff. She has two shelves in main area, two in door and 3 drawers. We have one shelf and 1 1/2 shelves in door. At least the frezzer storage is only off by inches. But I mean come on. A family of three gets less room when you say you need so much less room and food for you two.
Okay enough bitching. At least we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. Not enough food and not a lot of privacy and Jason is coming for two fucking weeks :( 1:11p. But it will do for now!
I wonder if the machine helped Bob last night.
I felt him take it off, right before Madi kicked the baby gate onto herself. I could already tell I was in too much pain to get up.
Pain from working out. Damn leg days. And everyday pain. Oh, I also put her to bed. Which I do often, but not usually from that side of the bed. Being up against the wall, and lifting 30 pounds of dead weight from the head of the bed to the foot and trying to stand at the same time isn't easy at all.
I hope he's more awake than I am when he gets home because the pain is intense. I now understand why betty said her ass hurt last Tuesday. Fridays leg day wasn't that bad. I was sore Saturday but it faded fairly quickly. Maybe because we went to the sauna Saturday. That hot ass sauna helped my back more than I thought it would. No wonder why Stacy would go in it during the winter. I thought she was nuts for that.
I'm not sure why I'm so exhausted, I took a lil nap yesterday before the gym. I was all pumped since Monday morning about the gym until about 2pm. Then I just wanted to stab myself w/ a knife on the other side of my back so I felt equal pain. Plus betty irritated me a lil. Worried that the machine that will help get Robert better, make sure he doesn't die in his sleep .... is an energy sucker. On one hand I guess I can slightly understand. But then again she said that about our tv and fan. She's lucky we don't have that damned fridge plugged in since we have no room for our stuff. She has two shelves in main area, two in door and 3 drawers. We have one shelf and 1 1/2 shelves in door. At least the frezzer storage is only off by inches. But I mean come on. A family of three gets less room when you say you need so much less room and food for you two.
Okay enough bitching. At least we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. Not enough food and not a lot of privacy and Jason is coming for two fucking weeks :( 1:11p. But it will do for now!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
i hate not being able to fall asleep
I took a damn flexeril and am still awake. Every damn one else is asleep but NO I'M WIdE AWAKE.
Bob is doing his first night on the breathing apperatise (can't spell-don't care) and its loud but could be worse. And I'm so exhausted I'm too tired to sleep, plus my teeth and gums are hurting and I didn't eat enough dinner. I'll see how I sleep once I get up ... but that seems like so long ago. Probably doesn't help my foot skin problem is flared up and I gave him my sode of the bed for the night.
And I'm scared to go to sleep since it was leg day at the gym ... once my body relaxes ... all hell will break lose and my soreness will kick into full effect.
Okay, off to bed til later. Hopefully I can get 4 hours. ... which means I have to be asleep in 18 minutes. I'M OUT
Bob is doing his first night on the breathing apperatise (can't spell-don't care) and its loud but could be worse. And I'm so exhausted I'm too tired to sleep, plus my teeth and gums are hurting and I didn't eat enough dinner. I'll see how I sleep once I get up ... but that seems like so long ago. Probably doesn't help my foot skin problem is flared up and I gave him my sode of the bed for the night.
And I'm scared to go to sleep since it was leg day at the gym ... once my body relaxes ... all hell will break lose and my soreness will kick into full effect.
Okay, off to bed til later. Hopefully I can get 4 hours. ... which means I have to be asleep in 18 minutes. I'M OUT
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Short and simple
To keep it short and simple ... I'm depressed!
Don't know why .... but I'm depressed!
I want to do nothing more than sleep and eat.
We're watching Omen ... Nemo! And at least she's cuddly. Well, was!
Gonna put the gate up and lay the fuck down, don't want to be coherant today
Don't know why .... but I'm depressed!
I want to do nothing more than sleep and eat.
We're watching Omen ... Nemo! And at least she's cuddly. Well, was!
Gonna put the gate up and lay the fuck down, don't want to be coherant today
Monday, May 11, 2009
Mother's Day
I had a decent Mothers Day, minus Bob not being home until 4:30ish. But at least it was then and not 8:30.
Brooke was very excited to make my breakfast. As soon as she heard us in the bathroom she bolted up the stairs and asked if she could make my breakfast. Then bolted back down.
When she took my order I thought she was playing waitress so I asked for French Toast and Bacon. But when she said she was seriously making it I asked for Raisin Bran Crunch Toast 2 Sausages and 1/2 glass of milk. Only complaint is that she put the milk in the bowl well before she called me and I came down and the toast was cold. But for something that came from the heart ... it was a great breakfast.
And Bob didn't have money on him so he used his Menards gift card and got me a gardening knee mat and watering can. Two things I needed but didn't spend the money on. Which in many ways was thoughtful. He used his card that he usually uses on himself for snacks. He knows how into gardening I've become. And he knows I have a bad knee/body.
Then we went to Samanthas had sloppy joes ... kinda pissed jarred was there! He was 3 minutes away and didn't even call. I am done going to Ottawa.
Then Franks dog .... bleeding from its eye socket. Someone tried to kill it and it wasn't another dog or a 12 yr old. I tried giving the benefit of the doubt and say it might have gotten hit by a car. But Sam thinks Will or her mom. And that dog needs to leave with those kids in the house.
Ok, this is pissing me off. Madis underwear have holdes in them. HOW!!!! They are either in the drawers or laundry baskets so how is it happening?
I'm out for now
D.D.
Brooke was very excited to make my breakfast. As soon as she heard us in the bathroom she bolted up the stairs and asked if she could make my breakfast. Then bolted back down.
When she took my order I thought she was playing waitress so I asked for French Toast and Bacon. But when she said she was seriously making it I asked for Raisin Bran Crunch Toast 2 Sausages and 1/2 glass of milk. Only complaint is that she put the milk in the bowl well before she called me and I came down and the toast was cold. But for something that came from the heart ... it was a great breakfast.
And Bob didn't have money on him so he used his Menards gift card and got me a gardening knee mat and watering can. Two things I needed but didn't spend the money on. Which in many ways was thoughtful. He used his card that he usually uses on himself for snacks. He knows how into gardening I've become. And he knows I have a bad knee/body.
Then we went to Samanthas had sloppy joes ... kinda pissed jarred was there! He was 3 minutes away and didn't even call. I am done going to Ottawa.
Then Franks dog .... bleeding from its eye socket. Someone tried to kill it and it wasn't another dog or a 12 yr old. I tried giving the benefit of the doubt and say it might have gotten hit by a car. But Sam thinks Will or her mom. And that dog needs to leave with those kids in the house.
Ok, this is pissing me off. Madis underwear have holdes in them. HOW!!!! They are either in the drawers or laundry baskets so how is it happening?
I'm out for now
D.D.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
blaaaaah
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL
Bob was the first to say it :) And my daddy just called me. And Brooke offered to make me breakfast in bed ... the offer alone is awesome. She's gonna wait until Madisyn is awake and they are going to 6 Flags so they may not have time to wait since she fell asleep around midnight or later.
And I don't want to be up right now so I'm not letting her know I'm awake cuz she'll beg me to wake Madi up.
Damn, I can't even write right now. This sinus infection, cold ... or whatever it is is killing me.
BBL
D.D.
Bob was the first to say it :) And my daddy just called me. And Brooke offered to make me breakfast in bed ... the offer alone is awesome. She's gonna wait until Madisyn is awake and they are going to 6 Flags so they may not have time to wait since she fell asleep around midnight or later.
And I don't want to be up right now so I'm not letting her know I'm awake cuz she'll beg me to wake Madi up.
Damn, I can't even write right now. This sinus infection, cold ... or whatever it is is killing me.
BBL
D.D.
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